Monday, January 24, 2005

Award Prognostication

It's award season again, and people all over the world (like me) will make their selections for this year's award winners.

So, since the ballot has been announced, I'll now give my predictions for these prestigous and important awards.


Here are my picks for the winners of the 2005 Razzie Awards for Cinematic Ineptitude.

Worst Picture: Talk about a year of strong contenders. What other year could boast the Razzie caliber of such horrific films as Catwoman, Alexander, AND SuperBabies 2? But, sadly, there must only be one winner.

My pick: Catwoman. Oh, you betcha.

Worst Actor: Haha, cheap shot at the Prez, cuz THAT's never been done before. But who will take home the Razzie? Tough call. Vin shouldn't be on the list, though.

My pick: Who can overcome the quint-fecta of Ben Stiller ? (Though the vote is for Polly, Envy, and Fockers. He wasn't *that* awful in the other two.)

Worst Actress: Wow. This ballot just gets tougher. But ultimately, the best choice is the most controversial.

My Pick: The gender-bending Wayans sis--I mean, Brothers. Makes "Scary Movie" look like "Lawrence of frickin' Arabia."

Worst Screen Couple: My first impulse is to say Bennifer, but that would also implicate Liv Tyler, to whom I have long ago bestowed eternal cinematic absolution. So, that leaves...

My Pick: Those crazy Wayans. You go, girls.

Worst Supporting Actress: Time to take my cheap shot.

My Pick: J-lo.

Worst Supporting Actor: Interesting how some of these categories have formerly good actors who've gone bad, while other nominees are "lifers."

My Pick: Jon Voight. Should've burned out, dude, because you're not fading away well.

Worst Director: Also often known as the "Who???" award.

My Pick: With a name like "Pitof," it HAS to be bad.

Worst Remake or Sequel: Also known as the "WHY???? DEAR GOD, WHY????" Award.

My Pick: Anacondas (2): Hunt for the Blood Orchid. Did anyone even watch the first one, or did they just assume there'd be an audience and start production on this bomb as soon as "Anaconda" wrapped?

Worst Screenplay: One thing all bad movies have in common--bad writing. REALLY, REALLY bad writing.

My Pick: White Chicks. Whenever you have SIX writers (and three of them have the surname Wayans), you know the movie is doomed.


I'm not going to give my picks for the bonus awards, but you're welcome to do so below.

Oh, and by the way, the nominations for that other awards show are being released tomorrow. Expect my picks tomorrow afternoon.

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