Tuesday, October 24, 2006
What He Tells Himself.
That he shouldn't get too excited when she tells him that she's going to be his neighbor soon. That, for all he knows, she has a boyfriend. That she may not have any form of religious faith, or for that matter may be involved in something strange or heretical. They still haven't even addressed that subject. That her hair is captivating. That he needs to take a breath. Or a walk. That she may just be acting nice to him, because she's a nice person. That she probably just wants to be friends. That she would offer anyone else a nightly ride to the trainstop in her car. That it's not that big of a deal, and he should just chill out. That she's a really sweet girl. That asking her out would only make their work situation weird and uncomfortable--but only if she says "no." That all these events seem to be spinning toward each other in a strangely timed manner. That he still needs to chill out and not get ahead of himself. That getting ahead of himself is what has always been his downfall, because he tries to rush through the getting-to-know-you stages and right into the future-thinking stages. That sometimes a car ride is just a car ride. That she laughs at all his stupid jokes, and he can't figure out if it's out of pity or something else. That surprising her with coffee that morning was a good "move," but his motives may have been a little murky. That maybe he should just try being her friend before he starts planning how to ask her out. That he loves that she likes his favorite band. That sitting on a downtown train platform grinning like an imbecile is likely to get you beaten up, no matter what the reason. That it's been too long since he's felt this way about anyone, and he has really missed it. That he can't let himself put her or anyone else up on that well-worn pedestal and hope that anything good or lasting can come of it. Never again. That he needs to stop overthinking this. That he misses seeing her and dreads it, at the same time. That he should keep all of this to himself. That he shouldn't hit "publish."