Thursday, April 17, 2003

Lessons about Taming the Tongue, part two...

I was informed, much to my surprise, that my Houston readership was larger than expected. I was also informed that my language in the last few posts has gotten quite out of hand. Yes, this is true, and i'm sorry for any offense because of that.

I went back and "edited" the last post through the cunning use of asterisks. I didn't remove the offensive words, because sometimes you just can't escape the perfect term, even if it is offensive. I truly believe that term fit my recent behavior.

However, i am once again shamefaced for actions that have shocked and upset. Sorry friends. My language is one bad habit that i have been trying unsuccessfully to kick, and in times of extreme stress, it comes out. My continued working in a decidedly secular environment is not helping at all. But that is of course no excuse.

So, Houston readers, thank you very much for checking in with me, and I promise to keep myself in check when it comes to this site. And if you know of anyone turned off by my latest burst of profanity, who wouldn't read this page again, please convey my apologies to them as well.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to try to make it through the next twenty-four hours without saying or doing anything else to alienate the other people in my life. Thanks.

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Why I am an A**hole and can freely admit that...

You know, we've all been taught since our youth to watch what we say, that our words can do more harm than good. Sometimes we forget that our words take different forms, like poetry or gossip. Or websites.

I edited the last post. Those of you who read it before, need to read it again, without the unnecessary content.

Guys, look, time for honesty. Yeah, i'm feeling pretty lousy these days. I am definitely not where I expected to be one year ago. And the things I counted on keeping are gone, through my own fault and circumstance.

But just because I'm unhappy doesn't me I need to be an a**hole. Which i have been lately. And I need to publicly apologize for that.

I have made insinuations, references, and allusions to crimes against myself which have never been commited. I have underhandedly thrown dirt on the reputations of parties that I convinced myself had wronged me. I've acted like a spoiled child, and a jealous boyfriend. I am neither.

What I am is ashamed of myself. And I'm sorry.

For the three of you who read this, I want you to know that I am really sorry. If you read any implications out of my last few posts, any subtle or non-subtle attacks on the fidelity and honesty of certain parties, I want you to know that they are completely innocent of any allegation i've made. I've been childish and petty, and had myself thinking that I was a victim of sorts. But that was bullcrap too.

I'm afraid that this post may be misread as well, that it will sound like i'm over-apologizing, trying to sound sorry to get pity. That's not the point. If you think that's the point, stop reading and never come back here again.

What I'm trying to do is make ammends, in turn, for the wrongs I have done. The only way I can think of doing it.

As to the injured parties. Again, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Let's move on.

Guess that's it.

Monday, April 14, 2003

"You who say the past is not dead, stop and smell the smoke..."

What can one say about being absent from this blogging addiction for a whole month? I won't bother. I've apologized so much in my life for stuff like this. You who know me understand or at least acknowledge that this is part of the "dave persona". Good or bad. Both.

So. Updates. I'll give you some, I suppose. I am on the verge of finishing a three-and-a-half week temp job grading essay questions on tenth grade standardized tests. The only comment i can make without being in breach of the countless disclosure forms I signed, is, I'm never letting any of my progeny or any close friends' offspring attend public schools in the state of Florida. Shameful. Just shameful.

On the homefront, I've been under the threat of eviction only twice in the past month, which is pretty good for me. I think working so much has something to do with it--less contact with the parents, less chance of pissing them off. Ah, family life.

As for the war: I'm happy we haven't lost as many troops as some predicted. But it's not over, so i'm going to keep praying. You do the same.

Creatively, I've been more productive than I have in the past year or more. As in actual production, not just ideas. It's not much, but I'm happy with most of it.


Oh. Email notice. Because of the unfortunate server crash, i've lost my entire addressbook. I need anyone who still reads this (all two of you--yeah for loyal original readership!) to send me all the emails of people who you think i'd actually want to contact. Manders, don't bother with the current CCCS crowd, I know they've already forgotten about me.

And the Big Big news. I am returning one more time to those charming hills of central Oklahoma, where the bison once wallowed. Yes, friends, "Steven's Last Night in Town" so to speak. I'll be in Shawnee from April 25 to probably the 29th, depending on how the visit should go. And I am making an appointment to be in the Rainbow at midnight that Friday, so if you're interested in saying hi, feel free to stop by.

Anything else? Nothing that I can think of.

Does anyone smell something burning?