Thursday, July 20, 2006

Remember how I said I'd do a full-week recap of "Rock Star"?

Well, I'm tired and busy, so tough beans. You get a short one.

Reality-show: Things get catty at song selection time. Personally, I think the obvious answer is a draft-lottery system, like in pro sports. Pull names out of a hat, let everyone make the deals they want, and then select songs that way. But this "mine! mine! mine!" Daffy Duck b.s. isn't gonna cut it. Like the song says, "somebody's gonna hurt someone before the night is through."

Performances: As I said, I thought Lukas brought it. Awesome hard cover of the Stones. Phil did great on the Airplane song. Storm was smoldering.

And surprisingly, I have to give Zayra credit. When she started singing, I flipped the channel. When I came back, the guys were praising her performance. I was stunned. So the next day, I watched the video online. While still completely and utterly wrong for this band, Zayra has an amazing talent in the Bjork-genre of musical performance. That was the vibe I got--a really good REM cover by Bjork.

And I still despise Dilana's performances. De-spise. Sadly, she's in for the long haul, because the band would never cut her unless they had to. At gunpoint. After they had been denied their daily ration of booze and chemicals.

Elimination: The bottom three were Dana, Jenny Galt, and Josh. Miss Jenny G got the boot. And now, a special message to each of the performers:

Jenny: You deserved to go, babe. You didn't sell it, you didn't "crush it" like Jason wants, and I'm pretty sure you forgot the words to "Vaseline" halfway through. You're good, though. See you on the Lillith Fair circuit. Say hi to Fiona for me.

Dana: Where you been, girl? You needed this version all the way through. Keep listening to Dilana, if this is where it gets you. Apparently she's not completely insane. Nicely done, keep it up.

Josh: Dude, you're lucky Jenny tanked, because that was the weakest, most embarrassing Nirvana cover I've ever heard. I mean, come on. Did you not even watch the last season? If you can't come up with an original approach to a song like that, just ask yourself "What Would Marty Casey Do?" Because at least then, it would be friggin interesting. I mean, come on: I was yawning during "Heart-shaped Box"? Shame!

And, for Gilby's sake, quit friggin' SMILING. That is so not rock and roll.

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