Friday, June 08, 2007

Shuffleblog 3.0 (Late-night Edition)

Don't know what this is? Read up, bub.

(And this is a different playlist than my work compy, so maybe every other song won't be the Beatles. Not that there's anything wrong with that.)


1) "Dig A Pony" by The Beatles.

Spoke too soon. I really don't get this song. I mean, on the surface it's obvious enough, but I keep looking deeper for something. I don't know. To loosely paraphrase Freud, sometimes a pop song is just a pop song. "All I want is you." It's such an oft-repeated sentiment in pop music, isn't it? But is that really true? Is the other person really all anyone REALLY wants? Or is it their perception, their image or expectation of that person, that they want? It seems to me (as an admitted outsider to this game of love for some time now) that so often our expectations get in the way of how things really are. And that infects our relationships with others. And we're frustrated when we tell people to "be who they are," and then somehow who they are doesn't correspond with who we expect them to be. And that's double-true of how we see ourselves. Sometimes when we try to "be ourselves," we find that our selves aren't all they're cracked up to be, either. In fact, sometimes it's our selves who disappoint us the most.

2) "Platform" by Kevin Max.

"Why'd you choose me if you knew I wasn't tough enough?" So often I question what the will of God is. Rather, I second-guess. I ask why things didn't work out. I ask why He led me (or at least I thought He did) into situations that I couldn't and didn't handle well. During the more frustrating weeks and months of Sunday School ministry, I asked why He put me in a position to fail, like other "employers" seem to have done. It was a hard thing, teaching week after week for an ever-shrinking crowd. Feeling like a failure on so many facets of my life. But what I'm learning is that what God asks for is faithfulness. Faithfulness grows us more than success does. And I grew. I griped about as much as I grew. But I grew. Now the Bible study class has grown to about quadruple the size it was last year, and I have a leadership "team" instead of just me to count on. And now, the next lesson is before me: how to trust others, how to let go of control, how to allow for imperfection, how to be led. These are hard lessons. I don't feel up to the task. But I know that when I am weak, He is strong.

3) "MTV Makes Me Want to Smoke Crack" by Beck.

I am officially DONE with the non-stop news coverage of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and these stupid starlet types. I've reached my absolute tolerance limit. There is SO MUCH going on in the world, so much just in this country, that there is no rational, mature justification for why we care so friggin' much about someone like this. (I won't call names. I want to, but I won't. Call that sanctification.) We have a war on. There is continuing genocide in Darfur. Hugo Chavez is creating what can only be called a totalitarian police state in Venezuela. Christian missionaries are being martyred in Asia. AIDS is still killing by the thousands in Africa. The Russian government is looking longingly back at the glory days of the Cold War. These are things worthy of time and contemplation and discussion. Why is it that Paris Hilton is on EVERY MAJOR NEWS CHANNEL??????? So, I'm done. Done with the watered-down soundbite-driven "edutainment" passed off as network news. I was angry enough to spit tonight, as channel after channel could only talk about how celebrities never face punishment. YOU CREATE "CELEBRITIES," YOU FOOLS. YOU FRANKENSTEINS. YOU PANDERERS. Rant over. Carry on.

4) "Beautiful Girl" by Pete Droge and the Sinners (from the "Beautiful Girls" soundtrack).

It's been a long time since I've been interested in someone I could actually feasibly pursue a relationship with. So when I started asking myself "What about her?" recently, I wasn't quite sure what to do with that thought. Truth be told, I'm not even confident that I'm truly interested in this girl for her own sake. It may be nothing but a case of an attractive, godly, interesting, unattached woman being in my circle of friends at a time when I'm thinking about the future and whom I want to spend it with. It's weird that I don't even trust my own feelings anymore. I second-guess why I'm even considering asking out this person. Part of it may be because I don't have those heart-in-the-throat feelings about her that I have had in the past about girls. Those goose-bumpy Hollywood tingles. You adults: are those visceral reactions to the object of your affections rooted in your sillier youth? I'm not asking if the ooey-gooey feelings prove anything, nor even if they're real. I just wonder if the absence of such feelings MEANS anything.

5) "You Always Say Goodnight" by The Juliana Theory.

Yes I do. Goodnight.

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