Friday, May 12, 2006

"...Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb!"

WARNING: Extreme fanboy prattle ahead. If you are not a fan of "Smallville," Superman, or goofy comic-book type stuff in general, skip this post. Go outside and enjoy the nice weather. Take a nap. Read a book (gasp! That's crazy talk!) Do something productive.


Holy. Crap. Dude.

That was a crazy season finale. So much packed into the one little hour.

To address it point by point:

Opening. Lana and Lex napping together on the couch. Heh. Guess there's no pretense of awkwardness anymore, huh? Then Lex gets "The Headaches" (which always means Kryptonian mischief afoot), and rolls out from under Lana. He drives out of there, and she follows in her vehicle. (Echoes of the "chase scene" in "Reckoning"? Yes, I think so.) Out to the field Lex runs (same field where Lana saw the black ship originally? I'll have to check), and there the ground stars exploding around him into the Zod symbol. Nice effect with Fine appearing behind Lana, in what appears to be David Duchovney's "X-Files" wardrobe. "I'm preparing him." Creepy. Then Lex is abducted by the almost-invisible ship (what, they couldn't afford the F/X this time? I guess, given the rest of the episode, I shouldn't complain). Lana actually acts, showing an emotion other than petulant pouting. Amazing. Must be the finale or something.

Clark and Chloe need to stop discussing matters of worldwide importance in public where people like sneaky Lana can hear. Geez, kids. You're in a freaking NEWSROOM talking about SECRETS. Duh. Clark decides that Lex is the vessel that he has to kill, as verified by his trip to the Fortress. Good to hear Jor-El's voice again. He's been MIA since Pa Kent died. J-E gives clark the special Dagger out of the console there.

...too much to recap. How about highlights?

--Lionel seemed to get pissed off at Clark at one point there. Like he's saying, "Geez, kid, crap or get off the pot already." Guess it's hearing that your son is the vessel for the most destructive force of evil in the galaxy. Always sure to ruin your morning.

--No way Lionel should have survived being thrown fifty feet into his limo's windshield. I totally thought he was a dead man. Which would have been cool too. Lex killing his dad. Appropriate.

--Lex shooting himself to prove his abilities to Lana was pretty rad. And the whole, "I'd never keep such a big secret from the one I love" line was awesome. Take that, Clark! Idiot. What I wish he'd done though, was test whether the kryptonite affected him the same way. I guess they're saving that for later. But that would have been the obvious step, especially for someone like Lex. Find out where your weaknesses are, so that you can protect yourself.

--Lana is evil. EVIL. EVOL. EEEEEVIL. Like the fru-its of the dev-il. E-vil. Not that I don't understand some of her motivation. But the whole, "I never really loved you" line to Clark was just ice cold. Dang, Gina. Vindictive much?

--The look on Clark's face was priceless when he found out that Lana accepted Lex's new powers. Granted, it isn't the same as telling her you're an alien, but still. Looked like Clark was kicked in the gut by that realization. Good, I say.

--The Clark/Fine confrontation rocked. Some of the best lines of the episode. "...your one weakness: humans." And the final standoff: "I'll give you one more chance to join me." "I'll never join you." "So it begins. Enjoy the show."

--The moment when Clark saved Chloe from the car flying into the DP basement--awesome. Great F/X. And the kiss--hot dang, dude. Clark better get his head straight and grab Chloe before she's gone, one way or another. That's what I would do. In a heartbeat.

--The Clark/Lex fight was cool, but short. Does Lex have the speed and strength only? Can he do heat-vision? Because duelling heat-vision would have been cool.

--Clark, Clark, Clark--why did you throw the dagger into Fine? The dagger that CAME FROM THE CONSOLE that Fine was trying to tap into in the first place? DUH. DUH DUH DUH. That said, I kinda had the same thought. So I'm not gonna throw stones. Or daggers. But dang, just give a huge helping hand to Fine, who evil-red-energies from the console to himself to Lex, opening up the portal and "downloading" the spirit of Zod into ol' baldy.

--Clark/Lex-od dialogue was good. "You have your father's eyes." "I won't let you destroy this planet like you did Krypton!" Lex as Zod is just awesome. Michael Rosenbaum can totally swing that--and you know he had to enjoy it.

--Phantom Zone. Lex throws the Phantom Zone braclet thing, which appears, then flies out the barn's picture window (formerly known as the "snoopy telescope" window) and into space. Then, Clark just got yanked up, up, and away, into it, like that movie "The Forgotten." He didn't even try to stop it. I think Lex-od should have thrown him into it or something. It wasn't as strong a pulling force, the last time. So now, Clark is trapped in the PZ, helplessly watching the carnage unfold? I think they should show that, with his super-hearing, he can hear all the cries of agony from the people suffering from the riots. That way, when he's freed, he feels responsible enough to finally take on the mantle as "everyone's hero."

--Meanwhile, at 20,000 Feet: Martha and Lois in the Luthercorp jet, flying to D.C., notice it's taking way too long. We see the pilot--it's a Fine clone!!! They see that the terrain below looks nothing like what it should. Then the cabin pressure drops. Not enough air. They both pass out. Will the plane crash? Who knows, dude. The way things are looking now, I wouldn't count anything out.

--"I Predict a Riot": Holy crap. Crazy riot scenes. Stock footage of NY and LA, and then we show Metropolis. Destruction, mayhem, basically the worst mob scenes you can imagine, just short of zombie movies. Lionel dragged out of his limo. Chloe running around, jumps in Lionel's limo, then is dragged out too and held down. Beaten up. Some of the online fans thought it looked like she might even be sexually assaulted by the mob. Honestly, I had that thought too, but I don't think the producers will want to open up that can of worms. But yeah, both of them in peril.

Meanwhile, Lana just walks past (I could have sworn she saw Chloe being terrorized), and into the Luthercorp building. Up to the roof she goes. (One fan brought up a good point: if the power's out, how'd she get up there so fast? Jogging the 30 flights?) On top, Lex-od stands on the ledge overlooking the carnage, totally badass leather trenchcoat flapping in the wind. Lana doesn't know what's going on, but pretty much swears loyalty to whatever he's doing. Lex-od looks at her, sizes her up, and then kisses her. Geez. Even Zod falls for her crap. So sad. Camera pans down over the ledge at the chaos in the streets, then pulls back from the city, as we see the blackouts roll throughout Metropolis. Then back further, and the blackouts are spreading around the country. Then all the way out into space, and there's Clark doing the mime-in-a-box bit inside the PZ.




So basically, if they do it the way they should, here's how the next season SHOULD start:

Lionel should escape with Chloe, and then she'll show him how to get to the Fortress, but refuse to go with him. Something like, "I got a bad case of frostbite the last time I went!" Lionel goes to the Fortress. Jor-El says, "Oracle, you are not welcome here." "I'm here to find Clark." "My son has been imprisoned. He was unable to obey me." "Is there anything I can do?" Then Jor-El will somehow give Lionel the ability to bust Clark out of the PZ. But he'll only be able to open the door. Clark should have to FLY out, thus learning his most powerful ability. (Fly for reals, not say it's "Kal-El" who's flying.) Then, Lionel and Clark should take on Lex-od and defeat him. In the meantime, Clark finds out where his mom and Lois are, and flies to catch their plane before they crash.

Then there should be several episodes (a good part of the first half of the season) dealing with the aftermath of the riots and the computer virus. Having heard all of their suffering from his prison, Clark feels completely responsible for what happened, and this pushes him to finally--FINALLY--accept that his responsibility is to the safety of all people, not just the ones he cares about. He works to help restore order to Metropolis and elsewhere.

That's how I think Season 6 should start. We'll see what happens.

Wow. I'm such a dork. But you know what? I'm EMBRACING that. Because for all of it's many many MANY faults, I love this show. SO there ya go.

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