In January, you the readers of PBB voted for the second-annual Slackie Awards (TM) !!! And in true "slacker lit-geek" fashion, it took two months to get the votes tallied. But here, on the eve of some other big award show, it's only fitting that the winners are revealed.
One benefit of the Slackies is you don't have to hear fifteen minutes of my bad jokes to kick this thing off. On the other hand....
Kidding. Anyway. Here we go.
As always, each category will have both the nominee you chose, and the actual winner (chosen by the esteemed panel of judges--me).
Movie of the Year
You said: it was a tie between Star Wars: Episode III and Crash.
And the winner is: Elizabethtown. and, Serenity. and, Walk the Line.
It was hard to pick one this year. At least last year there were two obvious choices. Apparently it was a good year for movies.
Album of the Year
You said: Death Cab for Cutie, Plans
And the winner is: Plans.
Absolutely. One of my favorites of the year.
Book of the Year
You said: it was a tie, with C. S. Lewis, J. K. Rowling, Anne Lamott, and Lauren Winner getting one vote each.
And the winner is: Lauren Winner.
Why? ...well, why not? It's her name, for pete's sake!
TV Show of the Year (returning)
You said: "Arrested Development." Nice try, Trev, but even your ballot-box stuffing couldn't get Battlebutt the win.
And the winner is: "Smallville." (You people should know me well enough by now.) And how could this show not win? This year introduced battling Kryptonians, the Phantom Zone, Clark becoming human then dying and being resurrected, the introduction of Braniac (!), the teasing scenes of Lana's death (not once but TWICE--quit getting my hopes up, dude!), and the death of Jonathon Kent.
[By the way, "Lost" gets runner-up.]
TV Show of the Year (new)
You said: either "The Colbert Report" or "Everyone Hates Chris"
And the winner is: "How I Met Your Mother." Allison Hannigan AND Doogie mean this show won't be denied. Is it inappropriate on a regular basis? Yes. But extremely funny.
Worst Movie Remake of the Year
You said: "Dukes of Hazzard." As if there was any doubt.
And the "winner" is: "Dukes." You good old boys may never mean no harm, but you sure caused it.
Underrated Artistic Endeavour of the Year:
You said: The "Chronic-what-cles of Narnia" Rap. Good choice.
And the winner is: Elizabethtown. It was savaged by critics, but it was a great film.
Overrated Artistic Endeavour of the Year:
You said: "Desperate Housewives."
And the "winner" is: "Desperate Housewives."
News Event of the Year (serious)
You said: Hurricane Katrina.
And the winner is: Katrina. It was the biggest and most tragic story of the year.
News Event of the Year (ludicrous)
You said: TomKat.
And the "winner" is: The courtship/pregnancy/bizarreness of Tom and Katie. Just...wow. And yet, we watched it.
Sports Story of the Year
You said: The White Sox World Series.
And the winner is: Ryne Sandberg inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. (If you don't like it, write your own awards. Ryno was the man, he was my baseball hero growing up, so I'm happy for him. Nyah. Go Cubs!)
Government Screw-up of the Year
You said--and the winner is: Hurricane response. No matter who you think is most responsible, it's clear somebody dropped the ball somewhere.
Ice-cream Topping of the Year
You said: Hot caramel. Didn't see that one coming, actually.
And the winner is: Caramel. Sure, why not. But I'm gonna have to check out that brownie batter thing...
Beverages of the Year (adult and non-adult)
You said: Various kinds of liquor, and root beer, respectively.
And the winners are: The "Blue Whitney" from Dietrich's, and root beer.
Board Game of the Year
You said: Either Mancala, Monopoly, or Operation (Homer Simpson Edition)
And the winner is: Apples to Apples. You really need to play this game.
Burrito of the Year
I'm not even going to count the votes. Everyone knows it's Chipotle all the way.
City of the Year (Domestic and International)
You said: You couldn't come to a consensus.
And the winners are: New Orleans and London, respectively. But I think Houston should get a shout-out too.
Post-It Color of the Year (what the crap?)
You said: Black with white ink.
And the winner is: Black. That's cool.
Buffoon of the Year
You said: Pat Robertson just barely got the edge in your votes. But...
The winner is: Tom Cruise, by a crazy crazy jump off a couch.
THE "YOUR 15 MINUTES ARE UP" AWARD FOR MOST BOGUS NEW CELEBRITY (or phenomenon) OF 2005
You said--and the winner is: Kevin Federline, by a landslide. Well done, K-Fed!
THE "YOU'RE STILL HERE???" AWARD FOR MOST BOGUS LINGERING CELEBRITY OF 2005
You said: Paris Hilton. Can she be a two-time "winner"?
And the "winner" is: Paris. Why, yes--yes she can.
Blog of the Year
You said: Perfect Blue Buildings. ("You like me! You really like me!")
And the winner is: This Beautiful Mess. She's in Edinburgh, she's back, she's there, she's back, she's there--it's an adventure just trying to keep up with it all. And she's a pretty cool chick too. So there you go.
And finally, here to accept his award for Achievement in Late-Night TV, here is "TV's Craig Ferguson." *applause*
"Thank you, my naughty wee donkeys. *whip-crack sound effect* I would love to stay and chat, but I think this award show is the stupidest thing ever, and I'm only here for the buffet. Thank you. Now watch my blasted show. Our ratings are crap."
Thank you, Craig. You're my favorite Scottish late-night talk-show host on CBS.
That's it folks. Thanks for voting, thanks for playing, and thanks for reading. I go through all of these stupid things for you, as a way of saying, "Hey bud--thanks." After 3 years of blogging, I just can't stop. I don't know what it is.
"I wish I knew how to quit you."
*booing* C'mon, I had to.
Have a good weekend. Enjoy the Oscars, if that's your bag.