Turning a corner.

For those of you who aren't aware, I'm a big guy. Like large. Like, "Violet Beauregard, why did you eat that blueberry chewing gum Mr. Wonka made" large.

Okay, that last bit was slight overstatement. But I am easily the combined weight of three members of N*Sync. Especially if one of them is that runt Timberlake. The combined weight of Timberlake, the Italian guy, and one of the other generic guys.

I've been on a diet for two months. I always hesitate when i say the name of the program, because there's still this weird embarrassed stigma in my head. I wasn't as embarrassed in general about being overweight--it's not an easy fact to hide. But saying, "I'm on *cough*weightwatchers*cough*" is no simple thing.

In two months, I've lost nearly 40 pounds. It's a big victory for me. The going hasn't always been easy, but I'm proud of myself for sticking to this. It's working. I'm changing.

Today, after my can of soup (4 points), I needed a little something else. I was still hungry. I went to the nearest coffee shop here in the medical center, and stood in line. They had no diet soda, and they had the most delicious soft giant cookies I've ever had in my life. I fell into the trap a few weeks back. I'd have one (lovely) and then have to "point it out" (not lovely). Even with my having the maximum amount of food "points" available, one of these saucer-sized cookies (with giant chunks of chocolate baked in, and they're firm without being the least bit crunchy, so that you bend it slowly to break a piece off, oh boy...) would cost me a full third of my daily allowance. Cookie equals meal. Not fun. I usually end up going "over" on those days.

There I stood, in line. Cookie calling my name. I ended up walking away. Went to the other cafeteria-type establishment within walking distance. Had three hardboiled eggs (whites only) and a small handful of carrot sticks with a drop of ranch dressing. And they had diet soda. Total points: 2. Cookie points: somewhere between 10 and 12, by my best guess.

And as I sat in my office, munching on carrots (raw carrots not being my most favorite of vegetable choices), I was struck by the realization--this is actually not bad. In fact, it's pretty good.

I didn't think such a thing was possible. Raw carrots being tasty. Crazy.

This doesn't mark a lifestyle change. I'm not rushing out to buy more raw carrots. Between you and me, I think today might have been a fluke. However, it does seem to indicate that I'm adjusting. And I'm learning to make better choices.

If only this self-control would seep into other areas of my life, I might be on the right track for once.