Monday, September 26, 2005

A Word about the Chinese

I'd like to take this moment to discuss the Chinese. Specifically, Chinese food. I probably haven't mentioned it before, but I'd like to now name "Chinese Food" as the "Official Take-out Food of PBB."

But I do have a point of confusion. If I ate Chinese food every day, as I find it being served in most mid-level establishments, I'd die of complete artery blockage, like, tomorrow. So my question is, why do Chinese people generally seem fitter than everyone else?

There are a few possibilities.

1) Their portions are smaller. I find this hard to believe personally, because of the nature of the Chinese Buffet. Doesn't make sense that they'd be a "small portion" set--unless the advent of the buffet was just to feed their piggish Western friends.

2) Higher metabolisms. Possible, but that can't account for everything. Fried is fried, no matter how well you process it. And a diet that is 95% rice can't be healthy, no matter how well you digest it.

3) It's not REALLY Chinese food. Also possible. What we call "Chinese food" may be a gross misrepresentation. An "Americanization" of Chinese cuisine. But then again, why are so many Chinese people supporting such a fallacy? Surely they would have some sense of pride, to correct this mistaken understanding of their culinary arts.

These three theories may all play a part, but I have a fourth: they play more DDR. (I know, Dance Dance Revolution is more Japanese than Chinese. Stay with me on this.) The key to fitness, despite a delicious-but-incredibly-bad-for-you food culture, is exercise. How do Chinese people get exercise? They play lots of DDR. And I think they march a lot, too.

So there you go. Mystery solved.

(This completely-tongue-in-cheek, culturally-ignorant post was brought to you by Sesame Chicken, Wonton Soup, and the lucky numbers 5, 11, 14, 29, 33, and 44.)

No comments: