Monday, September 26, 2005

Calling off the search...

I've decided to call of the search for the Future Mrs. Teacherdave. I am slowly realizing that the love and intimacy I'm looking for cannot be filled by some girl, and it would be unfair of me to expect that of her (whomever she may be [have been]).

Man's greatest emotional need, or at least mine, is to be known and accepted. To be loved despite flaws. That kind of blind love, that disregards weakness and inability and brokenness, can only come from God. To expect anyone else to fill that void is foolish.

So, I'm going to try harder to seek that love from the One who I know can and will give it. If a FMTD comes into the picture down the road, so be it and praise God. But if it doesn't happen, I want to be at peace with that. I've got too much of my life left to live to be pining for an unknown.

I was eating lunch with some dear friends from church who just got engaged. The female half of said couple leans over to me and says, "Dave, I want you to know that I'm praying for you to find someone, because if anyone deserves someone, it's you." Her fiance nodded his agreement, between bites of burrito. I thanked her and replied (sincerely), "Instead, how about you pray that I become the person I need to be for that to happen? That's what I need right now." She accepted that answer.

That's what I need right now. I still have so much growing up to do. So I want to focus on becoming the fully-realized version of myself that I was created to be. The "real" Dave is the one whose shoes I'll walk in sometime in the future. I'm the "in-progress" Dave now. The "under-construction" Dave.

So there you go. Call off the dogs, delete the personal ads (just kidding, there aren't any personal ads, I swear). Tell Cupid to stick his arrows elsewhere. Dave's not buying. Not for a while.

[I really want this to be true. I really want to flip a switch and turn off this foolishness. Hopefully, in the coming weeks and months, I'll really mean what I wrote here.]

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