My final word...

I'm tired, folks. I'm tired of all the bickering and fighting. I'm tired of the name-calling (on both sides, riss, you're right) among the pro's and the anti's. I'm tired of all the stress. The whole war will seem anticlimactic at this rate.

Because I'm tired of it, this will be my last pre-war political post. Closing arguments. Here ya go.

War is awful, destructive, ugly. It is often the tool of dictators and animals who have nothing better to do, who are motivated by greed, by revenge, by simple destructiveness. War is a thing to be avoided if at all possible. But war cannot be avoided permanently. Because the world is evil, because man is evil, because until Christ returns in power, this world will be the domain of Satan and wicked, stupid man.

Should we pursue peace? Absolutely. Peacemakers will be called sons of God, right? Yes, peace is good.

Should we allow people to do whatever they want until it affects us? No.

Isolationism was a popular political theory in the early part of this century. During the years between the wars, American presidents said, not our problem. Doesn't concern us. You figure it out. Leave us out of it.

We let thousands of British and Russian soldiers AND civilians die. Thousands of Jewish civilians throughout Europe. It was okay with us. Wasn't our war.

Until we were attacked. Then we made it our war.

Since then, some argue that we haven't fought a single war for the right reason, except maybe Desert Storm. We fought in Korea and Vietnam, some say simply because we thought "Communists were evil." And while we still believe they are, we don't fight them today. Not in the same way. We stopped waging war on communist states. Instead we have economic sanctions for some, diplomatic sanctions for others. For China, nothing. I don't know why.

Desert Storm, the invasion of Kuwait. We fought that war, though people opposed it. Not our war. Or, they'd say we were only in it for the oil. They say we really didn't set up democracy in Kuwait. That our foreign policy is a sham.

I've heard it said that the U.S. is responsible for more international crimes than any other nation. We allegedly supported Islamic groups in the middle east to harrass the Soviets in the seventies and eighties. The CIA does this and that.

The USA has been called the real Evil Empire. I don't know if it's true. I hope not.

But here's what I do know. To know about wickedness, and to do nothing, is silent acceptance and approval. Condoning the actions of a violent and internationally rebellious regime makes us just as guilty. And whatever crimes this nation is accused of, or has committed, it is not about to support Saddam's regime, explicitly or implicitly.

The UN's actions so far have been weak, at best. The French have all but removed any pretenses of concern for international peace, and have said that whatever the US, Britain or any of their allies proposes, the French will oppose it sight-unseen. This is not reasonable opposition. This is not concern about finding a peaceful solution. It's a power play.
The UN has lost sight of the idea of disarmament. Its only concern now is keeping the peace. Satisfying the status quo. The US doesn't accept the status quo. As a result, the US has been villified by almost the entire world. We have lost allies. We have weakened ties on economic and diplomatic fronts. And the world has judged that our president is evil evil evil. Or at least stupid. So I've heard.

If you believe that, or feel similarly, go ahead. Say what you want. You're right. It's your nation too. Free speech applies to you. God bless you for that. Pardon me if i grow tired of listening. I have heard all the arguments. I have heard the accusations batted around. I'm just tired of it all.

And as for the "love it or leave it" crowd who tell anti-war proponents to move to France or whatever, you can all take a walk. The reason America is free and wonderful is because we want people who disagree to stay here. If we deported all dissenters, then we really would be the fascist state we're accused of being.

My personal stance on the issue is as follows:

I'm not anti-war.
I'm not pro-war.
I'm not un-patriotic.
I'm not hyper-patriotic.

I hate the fact that in two weeks or so, we will be fighting a war that few people really believe in. But I know that this war must be fought, if for no other reason, than that it will finally accomplish something, good or bad, in the world. Either the American president will be vindicated or removed. The economy will rise or crash. We will either be the good guys or the bad guys. Results, folks. It will have results.

So Dave likes that we're going to war? No, of course not. I'm resigned to the fact, however. Because if I wasn't, I would have to be either violently vocal against it, or rabidly raucous in support of it. And I just don't want to expend the energy either way. Because I'm not convinced totally either way. Does that make me just as guilty as anyone else? Probably. That's my cross to bear.

But good or bad, in two weeks, there will be results. Unlike the months of arguing and posturing and pointless, endless rhetoric. Both the "mindless liberal rhetoric" and the "conservative republican propaganda". I'm tired of all of it. I'm tired of the fact that the only contact I have with some of my friends is through this stupid debate. The only time i hear from anyone is when it is prefaced by an "OH YEAH? WELL THEN...!"

I read on a messageboard on Relevantmagazine.com someone quoted the passage from Ecclesiastes three, made famous by sixties musical group The Byrds: "For everything there is a season...a time for war and a time for peace." Well, ladies and gentlemen, for the United States, this is the time for war, both internationally and within our own society.

And frankly, to quote Axl Rose, "I don't need your civil war."

Thank you, goodnight.

Some thoughts about the past season...

In one week, I'll have been unofficially unemployed for three solid months. And in those three months, I'd like to think I've learned a few things. I will share a few of them with you here, as sort of a commemoration. You who are about to graduate, and move on in life, should pay attention.

--Don't count on anything but God. Circumstances will change, people will leave, money will disappear as though it had wings, comfortable surroundings will become foreign, family will turn against you. God will remain.
--Anything looks easy to do from the outside. Job-hunting for example. But when you are forced to do it, it becomes much more taxing.
--Accept the fact that you make mistakes. Be willing to change. Revision, though unpleasant and unflattering, may be just what your situation needs.
--Lose your pride. There is no job too low. College degrees mean absolutely nothing to bill collectors. "Entry-level" is not insulting, it's inviting.
--Don't disassociate. Stay connected in any way you can. It's easy to turn into a hermit, but much harder to change back. And believe me, you'll want to.
--As much as you want to hate your parents, you know you can't. Because they don't deserve it, even when they really do.
--There's nothing as sweet as setting your own life's schedule. If you can, by all means do it. And don't take it for granted.
--Your value as an individual doesn't rest on one person, one job, one event. It rests upon the love of One God.
--Despair will impair your thinking, cripple your motivation, and repel your closest friends. It is cancerous to the soul and will kill any chance of change. At the first sign, attack it, reject it, remove it. Or it will spread to every part of your life and poison you.
--Don't apologize for happiness. If you have it, enjoy it. This applies to all good things.

That's enough for now. Points to ponder.

Response...

I came to the sad realization last night that I really don't have many friends at all, and that 99% of my contact with any of these people is through blogging. I write, they respond, or vice versa. And that my friends, is sad.

(I actually got to hang out with a human the other night (Mike Norris is the man) and watch some good ol' SeaLab 2021. The first time i've gotten to hang out with a good friend in, what, a month and a half? I'm such a hermit.)

And now today, after making that discovery, I find I must respond to a pointed post that all but called me by name. So, the following:

NAH!
I was referring to the left in general, the Hollywood crowd, the "human shields" who forsook their ideals when it got uncomfortable. The only blatant reference to you was "spewing", because after several days of frustration with the media-types in general, your words just set me off. And as for initiating contact, I called on my own, before I ever saw the post.
So, NAH NAH!

I would like to make an addition to my previous political rant. I don't agree with the crowd that says if you're anti-war, you're anti-American. I have actually had arguments with my parents over this. My problem wasn't with logical anti-war arguments. I have discussions with my good friend Chris Jones about this issue. And as far as I recall, I don't think I've ever called any citizen beside the John Walker Lindh types "un-american".

My problem is with people who can do nothing more than insult the president. People like Paul Begala and James Carville on "Crossfire" who play to the crowd by mocking the president, taking him out of context, and answering real questions with witty barbs and tired lines. To give you a point of reference, if you've ever seen the movie/play "Inherit the Wind", the "Christian" character who played the William Jennings Bryan-type in the play is the same way. All funny lines, and insults, and sarcasm. But no substance.

That's what I have a problem with. Sarcasm without substance, that's taken as argument. And if any of my readers find themselves in that category, then i have no apologies for what I said.

"Today feels like a good day\To burn a bridge or two..."

Greetings from this Beautiful Disaster.

I'm in a ranting mood. So be advised, adult language may ensue. But I'll try to keep it to a minimum.

Issue One: "Parental Advisory"

For those of you who may have not spoken to me in weeks or something, I have been job hunting like a fiend. Applying, interviewing, wishing and hoping and praying. All for naught. Until this week, when I got a job with NCS Pearson, the company that grades all those fun standardized tests like the TAKS and whatnot. The position is "temporary", as in, it's a job-to-job basis. The first assignment is five weeks, full time, beginning March 24. According to the HR person, the jobs will continue throughout the summer. It pays eleven bucks an hour and the dress is casual.

So this is a great job, right? Apparently not. My loving parents, eager for me to find success in the world on their terms, want me to look for another job and not take this one unless i have to. They weren't even excited about the fact that after weeks of searching and applying, I was actually hired anywhere. Because what you'll learn, kids, is that it's NEVER good enough. So they want me to apply to a bunch of other jobs I would probably like a whole lot less that pay a little more.

Now, because I'm a wuss, I have to be "fair" and say they are really concerned about me. I am behind on a truck payment and am struggling to put together the cash from pizza delivery to make it up. They now spend their time away from me arguing about my future. Which makes me feel great to know that I contribute so much to the stress level of the family.

And now, the latest development. I was informed to get into bed early tonight (due to last night's insomnia, I slept from five thirty a.m. to one thirty this afternoon), because starting tomorrow, I will be living under "Mom's direction". Obviously, since I cannot apparently control my own life, my folks are gracious enough to seize control and run my life for me. Sounds ridiculous, or at least a bit excessive? These are the same people who have tried to impose a bed-time on me again, to "make sure" I get to church with them. (Fact was, I was up in plenty of time, I just decided to do other things that one morning.)

The choice was Mom's control or getting thrown out. I'm seriously looking into my options.

Issue Two: The Gathering Storm

This really gets me upset. We are on the verge of going to war with Iraq, which will likely spawn retaliatory terror attacks or other military issues. We're being more or less threatened by North Korea. We're still looking for Al-Qaeda (sp?) and others. And all anyone can seem to talk about is how foolish/arrogant/dangerous/unprepared our president is. What the hell? Do people honestly believe that "George Bush, Texas Ranger" sits in the Oval Office?

There is not one person in the world who would like to be in his position right now. He carries the weight of national security, world stability, and future international policy on his shoulders. He knows that he will be blamed for every American life lost in a war, and he would be likely blamed for every civilian life lost from any form of terror that might occur whether we go to war or not.

But the public blasts on, questioning his motives, questioning his abilities, questioning his intelligence and integrity. Because we, as the American people, are in the wonderful position of no responsibility. We have the luxury to cast stones and spew insults because we never have to make the hard choices. What the hell are we thinking.

I respect the fact that there are many (as much as half the nation, by some polls), that don't believe in war and don't want us to go to war. I love that, as a matter of fact, because there is nothing more democratic (small d), more AMERICAN, that disagreeing with the people in power. But I think we've forgotten that the only reason we can protest at all, is because way back when, someone fought a war about it. And people died.

Yes, the circumstances were different between the American revolution and this impending war. We aren't trying to liberate ourselves from an oppressive regime this time. But let me take you back to another war. Britain was involved in World War II for THREE YEARS before we joined in. Hitler was creating the world's largest army and slowly, methodically gobbling up small "insignificant" European countries. He was slaughtering thousands upon thousands of his own people--German Jews. But we sat back. We did nothing.

It "wasn't our war."

The first time we actually did anything, we had to be rocked out of our slumber by an ambush. How many soldiers could have been spared at Pearl Harbor if we were on alert? One person saved would have been enough.

Today we face another threat. Maybe it would be hyperbolic to describe the Iraqi warlord as another Hitler, but it wouldn't be too terribly far off. Because no matter what you think or believe about the issue, the fact is that the United Nations UNANIMOUSLY called for "total disarmament" and Saddam has refused. He has given up thirty-something missiles that he swore vehemently he didn't have. And he has more. We know he has more. The weapons inspectors know he has more. There should be no discussion.

But there is. And discussion is good. Dialogue is good. But insults, illogical claims, and disinformation is not good. It is not helpful. It gets us nowhere.

People on the left side of the political debate have overwhelmingly disagreed with the president's methodical, careful process. But instead of debate, they have retreated into rhetoric and name-calling. Bush is a moron, Bush is a warlord, Bush is holding a grudge from his father's administration. This is the president they see.

They ignore that the president went to the UN, that he pleaded and argued his case, that he forced the issue and helped pass the last resolution, on the good faith that the UN would back it up. They ignore the president that has given time for a second resolution, more inspections, more reports, more Iraqi stalling. They ignore the president that has accepted setbacks like the Turkey debacle, has respected the rights of nations to disagree, and still maintains that countries like France and Russia and Germany are still considered "friends" by the United States. They ignore the president who has more or less jumped through every flaming hoop the world has put up, and has reached the point where he knows there must be a decision.

Last night, in his press conference, he said that the job of the president is to protect the nation. He has listened to everyone so far who has told him to wait. Now he knows that any more waiting could be more disastrous that any war. He knows that North Korea is Iraq, ten years from now. Any more waiting will result in another nation waving their nuclear capability in the face of the world.

He is in an unenviable postion. A difficult one. No matter what he chooses, he will be judged harshly by history and by his own people.

But we mock him, we lampoon him, we tear apart his ideas and paint him with the same brush with which we painted Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon. This president has been called the worst in America's history, by some. And what I'm realizing is that the loudest voices are the ones believed the most. And it's fashionable to protest. Being loud, being angry, being insulting is the American Way. Many of us malign anyone who "spews" anything but anti-war opinions, calling them hatemongers, killers, fascists. We attack them relentlessly for not accepting anyone else's opinion.

We attack a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders, who's just trying to make the right choice, because we have the luxury of attack.

What the hell are we thinking.

*****
That's all i've got. I'm tired. Thanks for reading.

I'm not a creepy, Unabomber-type guy, okay?

Looks like I need to clear up some misconceptions in the CCCS circles.

So listen up, students, this is the last time I'll say it:

--Your grades: were really more fair than you'll ever realize. If I had graded you all the way you should have been graded, many C's would have been F's and B's would have been D's. Get the picture? Including some important figures in CCCS athletics who owe their continued careers to me. So be grateful. Think you should have gotten a better grade? Think again. The only people who got the grade they deserved were the A+ students, because I'm not that generous.

--Your daily work: for those of you who refused to pick up your daily papers, there was a stack in my old book drawer, the second drawer of the filing cabinet by the door. Help yourself.

--Your papers: this irritates me. I've been hearing that my grading has been called into question. Which is foolish, because as I mentioned before, your grades are a whole lot better than they should have been. But for those of you who insist that on getting everything back, I still have your papers. Because I'm a creepy old guy who reads them in his cellar? NO. They're in a box in the garage, I think. I just forgot to take them back, and after all the ugliness surrounding my departure from the school, I never got around to returning them. I'm sorry to you students, and to you only. However, I know that if I returned them now, a certain teacher would insist on grading them all herself, which will make it take longer for you to get your current work back. You will get them back eventually, but probably in May, so that my returning them won't put a hold on all the other grades you are receiving. If this seems stupid, I'm sorry. If you want them back now, I can arrange for you to receive them individually.

Any other questions? Email me. Manders has my email, if nothing else.

Manders, since you're probably the only one who will see this, pass the word, okay? At least to my seniors.

As for you other readers, yes, this is the crap I'm still dealing with.

Another, less-bizarre post...
or, "Bring Me to Life"

Yeah, sorry about the last post. Um, I don't know what was exactly going on there. I was in a mood. Crow-colored day, ya know?

But anyway. I'm back, "clothed and in my right mind."

SO. Just got the Evanescence album, and have listened to about half of it. Wow. Nice.

Oh, and to correct a previous correction, David Hodges, my one-time classmate and quasi-fellow-bison, is in fact still in the band, playing keyboards. So there ya go.

The band will be in Houston tonight at the Engine Room. I can't go, but if any of you are able, email me and I'll pass along your report of how the show went.

Hmm... let's see. In other news...

...my aunt and uncle are still in town. They had a great time with my folks at the rodeo and will be going home tomorrow.

...I'm still looking for a non-pizza job, even though due to medical crises and management shake-ups, i've gotten more hours thrown my way this week.

...I still haven't received my premiere issue of Relevant Magazine. Manders, if you've gotten yours already, let me know, so I can call them up and start raising Cain.

...I put "On the Road" and another book I was reading on hold for a while, and started "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien. It's really good.


Well, guess that's just about it.

Oh, while you're websurfing go to Dave Barry's blog. Yes, it's THE Dave Barry. And he's just as funny in blog form as he is in the paper.

Oh, one more recommendation. Dancing Paul. Just trust me.

Congrats to CCCS for taking state. Woo woo.

Another, less-bizarre post...
or, "Bring Me to Life"

Yeah, sorry about the last post. Um, I don't know what was exactly going on there. I was in a mood. Crow-colored day, ya know?

But anyway. I'm back, "clothed and in my right mind." (I'm rather proud of that little reference.)

SO. Just got the Evanescence album, and have listened to about half of it. Wow. Nice.

Oh, and to correct a previous correction, David Hodges, my one-time classmate and quasi-fellow-bison, is in fact still in the band, playing keyboards. So there ya go.

The band will be in Houston tonight at the Engine Room. I can't go, but if any of you are able, email me and I'll pass along your report of how the show went.

Hmm... let's see. In other news...

...my aunt and uncle are still in town. They had a great time with my folks at the rodeo and will be going home tomorrow.

...I'm still looking for a non-pizza job, even though due to medical crises and management shake-ups, i've gotten more hours thrown my way this week.

...I still haven't received my premiere issue of Relevant Magazine. Manders, if you've gotten yours already, let me know, so I can call them up and start raising Cain.

...I put "On the Road" and another book I was reading on hold for a while, and started "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien. It's really good.


Well, guess that's just about it.

Oh, while you're websurfing go to Dave Barry's blog. Yes, it's THE Dave Barry. And he's just as funny in blog form as he is in the paper.

Oh, one more recommendation. Paul Dancing. Just trust me.

Congrats to CCCS for taking state. Woo woo.

Here I stand, Sad and Free...

It's raining again in Houston. The overcast sky reflects me. Or I reflect it. But I think I'm cloudier.

The pinch is on, I'm on the rack. The ultimatum has been delivered, but i'm trying to let it roll off my back. I'm getting the sneaking idea that I'm being hunted by time.

Yesterday I started crying for no reason.

Wrote the beginning of a short story yesterday. I'll finish it tonight. Unfortunately, writing is cheaper than therapy, and the phrase "write what you know" is taking on a newer, more personal meaning. My fear is that by the time i'm done, I'll have a bookfull of stories i'll never be able to publish, and if I do, i'll blush every time i pass a copy on a shelf.

My novel is impatiently waiting to be born. I think it will take a Caesarian circumstance to finally cut the damned thing out of me.

How different is birth from disembowelment, I wonder? ...a matter of perspective?

(Note to Ophelia: I'm glad you're doing so well. I'm trying to be glad, at any rate. I hope you understand what I mean.)

Song of the day: "How to Disappear Completely (without even trying)" by Radiohead

Song of the Week: "Evaporated" by Ben Folds Five


"...i poured my heart out, i poured my heart out, it evaporated, see?..."