Friday, November 13, 2009

This is the End, beautiful friend...

After a seven-plus year run, I've decided to shut down this blog.

Why, is your question.

I guess the shortest way to say it is, I began this blog at a very different time of my life, and to try to hang on to it, as it is, would be like trying to hang on to a past that has, well, passed. It's done. This chapter of my life is done.

I'm on the brink of some pretty key personal changes. I'm starting to work through some things I've taken for granted as normal. This blog has been an outlet for feelings and emotions that should have been dealt with in the real world. In a sense, over the years, I used this blog as a hiding spot, to avoid dealing with my issues. The "emo" posts I'd spew every so often contained thoughts and ideas that should have been shared with people in my physical life, who could walk with me through them and help me learn how to cope and grow.

Instead, I've been hiding in a lot of ways. And the times when I just couldn't stand wearing the "happy" mask anymore, I'd come here, explode in a fury of emotion and depression, get it out of my system, and go back to hiding. I'd scare the people who loved me the most, because I never vented these feelings with them, so seeing my sadness in print seemed disturbing and out-of-character. All this time, I should have been talking to the people around me, instead of faceless printed voices on the internets.

And I love you guys, all of you who have read my blog over the years. Most of you have stopped reading my blog because you got more interesting lives. God bless you. I hope to follow in your footsteps now. The rest of you, who despite your interesting lives still read my oft-neglected page, I love you all the more for sticking around. I feel like I have built little relationships with each of you. But these relationships are thin and hollow. If you want to get to know me, send me an email, message me on Facebook, find me on AIM. Let's really talk. If you'd rather not, I take no offence whatsoever. Go with my blessing and peace.

I'm going to miss being a regular "blogger." It's been an identity thing, you know? But, as I've ruminated over often in these pages, it's also an ego thing, the idea that my words are important enough to be flung out into space like this. Some of you have fed this illusion with your generous praise. (I'm looking at you, Laura.) Thank you. But there's nothing of value in here that you can't get from me elsewhere. Like I said, Facebook me. IM me. Email me. Connect. I'd love to continue the conversation.

But this old house, these perfect blue buildings, they're full of ghosts. Not of old loves, but of old me. The person I used to be, and the person I'm trying to shake out of like a snake shedding its skin. There's something living inside, something fresh and new that needs to be freed, but to do that I need to leave something behind. This blog represents part of that something. The rest of it, I'm finding ways to scrape off and get rid of as well.

So it's time for a new neighborhood. Goodbye, Perfect Blue Buildings (formerly Anything To Disrupt the Tedium, and Anything to Dispel the Silence [i think]). It's been a good run. Seven years. Mazel tov.

(I feel like I'm reciting the last five pages of Our Town. Goodbye to clocks ticking, and my old butternut tree.)

I should clarify: I'm not disappearing from the internet entirely. Aside from FB, I'll still track my fitness and distance-running progress on the Waddling Bison blog. I'll still post poetry as The Man in the Brown Hat. If you want to see those pages, take a look around the interwebs, you'll find me. But *this* blog has run its course. The emo-confessional/pop-culture-commentary/political-gadfly business. It's done.

As to the fate of this website. I haven't decided. In the next week, I'll be combing the archives for anything worth salvaging, any creative bits i want to save and use elsewhere. Then...I don't know. Some of you asked me to keep the archives active so you can peruse them, relive the highlights and lowlights. Thing is, I think I'd be tempted to do it too. And that kinda defeats the purpose. I haven't decided yet, but I have to confess, i'm leaning toward torching the place. Send PBB off into internet Valhalla, Viking-style.

I'll let you know what I decide, one way or another.

But this is it, internet. Last PBB post. Feels like I should be dropping all sorts of inside jokes and references to past goofiness. (Save that for the PBB Dead Letter Office mailbag? Sure. Send it "Attn: Gerard.")

Actually, I should probably just end this before I change my mind about the whole thing.

Famous Last Words: Jesus loves you more than you'll ever know. He's the only thing worth living for. Find life in Him.

Love you guys. Be good. See ya around.


kinsey said...

i know i haven't been the most faithful reader, but please know i've enjoyed everything i've read. i'm sad to see this blog go, but i understand the need to move on and not keep looking back. good luck to you and i'll make more of an effort to find you on aim. much love,

LeLe said...

I understand completely...I hide too but haven't really done any emo posts in a long time. I'm glad that I just happened to find this blog on the interwebs one fateful day. :) And I'm glad we're facebook friends. Peace.

will said...

You know what? I think this is awesome.

I've been incredibly blessed/privileged to observe these past four-point-five years (four-point-five!!) from the perspective of both faithful PBB reader and face-to-face interaction/observer (as well as at LEAST one fictional commenter), and I've seen the growth and changes in your life from the Dave I knew as a freshman to the Dave whose grown to the point where he's ready to say goodbye to what was and embrace what is and what will be (rather than The Lame, I suppose). And it truly had been a privilege and blessing, my friend, and I look forward on sharing the next leg of the adventure as well.

Incidentally, if you have the cash to spare, I cannot recommend enough that you pick up Hello Hurricane before next Friday. It's phenomenal, as is Jon Foreman's song-by-song commentary as featured at I just finished reading those ponderings and then clicked over to read these ones, and yeah. A double-shot of awesome, life-living, singing-into-the-storm reflection.

Every life a miracle. Every season an opportunity from which God can receive glory. And every broken soul crying for healing an act of faith, of love, and of redemption. There is so much to celebrate, even in our brokenness.

So today, I celebrate PBB, it's tenure as one of my favorite blogs on the web, and it's passing into an Internet graveyard that includes about 20 college friends' Xangas (including mine, for that matter)!

B Lines said...

God's Speed dear heart. Be happy.

Jen said...

Sad to loose your occasional ramblings and linky-love, but glad that you are moving farther up and further in.

(ps: you can set the blog to totally private through the Blogger settings. That way you can get to the archives if you want to dig through old creative works, but nobody else can!)

Kelly Couri said...

Dude, I think it's great. I felt relief when I stopped blogging. It started to feel more like a responsibility to me than something fun to do. And I understand your reason of wanting to move on.

I am glad we are buds outside of the blogging cycle. Although it is good I started reading it, otherwise we probably would not have reconnected and you would not have attended our NYE party 4 years in a row. Those were good times.

Trevor said...

Dude, leave the blog up. It is a memento.

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Dave said...

and it's good to know that spammers still love me.

Laura Bower said...

Dave, roughly 40,000 times I have intended to comment on the finale of your blog but wanted my words to have the appropriate level of epic-ness that the occasion warrants. Failing that, I settled on stony silence. Boo on me, and my apologies.

It has been a pleasure following PBB the last few years for at least a couple of reasons: (1) I don't recall how I ever came across it, but stumbling onto your blog was the catalyst to getting me in touch with you again, which has been supremely cool. (2) You are a gifted writer. Your words are a thing of beauty, and I have several times printed them out to keep for myself. (Psssst, I'm honored to get a shout-out in your final entry! And I don't feed illusions, just realities.)

I completely understand about needing to shed the old skin; I couldn't go back to my Myspace (yeah, remember that?) blog for that reason. I hope that you'll experience the growth (both as a person and a writer) that you seek. PLEASE KEEP WRITING, and I hope you'll find a way to share your words in some fashion. I'd hate to have to break into your place and steal your moleskins. :)

(Can you please direct me to The Man in the Brown Hat? I can't seem to find him.)

May the muses smile upon you,


Dave said...

Hope to see you there, darlin.

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