Two things, and then to bed.
I saw her New Years Eve picture, in which she was kissing a guy I didn't know. And not just "oh, it's new year's, how about a friendly smooch" kissin'--i'm talking passionate, end-of-"When-Harry-Met-Sally" kissing. My first reaction was jealousy. I even checked her Facebook page to see if her status had changed. It had not. So who was this new character, and what right does he have to such friendly relations with my... Well, there's the rub, right? Shewas never my anything. No matter how sweet on her I may have ever been, because I was too afraid to speak up, she was never more than my friend. Barely that. My kind acquaintance, to whom I spoke on and off, but more often than not simply gazed at across the room.
I can't explain or justify my response to the photo in any rational way. I have no claim on her or her affections. This story is just like so many of my stories--the boy who wouldn't man-up and tell the girl how he felt, and then missed his opportunity. The boy who watches the girls he falls for run off with other men. The boy who...stays the boy.
And for the last six years, these stories have sucked.
Goals for 2009:
--Getting healthy. Lower blood pressure and cholesterol, and a lower number on the scale. Setting small goals, and then bigger ones. Making change that lasts, so that I'll stick around long enough to change the world in my small way.
--Actually finishing a writing project. Doesn't matter what it is. Bible Redux. Tayor House. A new short-story collection. Doesn't matter. I'll type "The End" on something this year.
--Acting like a man instead of staying "the boy." Shaking off fears of inadequacy and rejection, and starting to date again. Because, no matter how poetic it may seem, "pining" is only good for trees.
Those are my goals. What are yours? Comment below.