"And I am a writer, writer of fictions / I am the heart that you call home / And I've written pages upon pages / trying to rid you from my bones..." -- "The Engine Driver" by The Decemberists
Monday, December 15, 2008
PBB Presents: Top Five Most Heinous Musical Crimes Related to Christmas (2008 Edition)
[Updated and Revised from Last Years list; Now with More Snark!]
It's ten days until Christmas, and you may have been inundated with Christmas music for the past month or so. It doesn't bother me as much these days. I used to be a real Scrooge when it came to Christmas music, but I think a lot of that was just posturing, trying to be "too cool" for Yule. Suffice it to say, if I had to pick a favorite holiday song in college, it would have been "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" by Sixpence None the Richer. (Which is a great track, by the way.)
I can now appreciate Christmas music a bit more. Age will do that to you. Plus, it seems these days like i'm losing touch with the excitement that the holidays always brought, so I try to hang on to it where i can. I'm not quite at the "non-stop carols from Thanksgiving to Christmas" level yet. (My mother lives at that level.) But I can definitely appreciate Christmas music a whole lot more.
However, that doesn't mean I like all Christmas music. In fact, certain songs still annoy and anger me--so much so that I feel it's my duty to unofficially indict these musical crimes and misdemeanors.
Here they are, then: PBB's List of Christmas-themed Musical Crimes.
[Disclaimer: If you like these songs, that's cool. If you think I'm being unnecessarily grumpy or negative, that's fine. Whatever, maybe I am, so what? These are the five songs that I avoid like the plague. Songs that make me turn the radio dial immediately, or off completely if they keep popping up. I'd rather listen to my truck engine idle than sit through these cheesefests ever again. But maybe it's just me, so whatever.]
Dishonorable Mention #1: "Jingle Bell Rock" by Billy Idol
Going broke Going broke I need a check So many child support bills, I'm wrecked Shredding my image One song at a time I'll do stupid things for a dime!
Dishonorable Mention #2: "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by Dr. Elmo Why is this song popular? Please, someone, anyone explain the appeal. Because what i've got is geriatric alcoholism and nearly-dead relatives. Not quite a laugh a minute. How has this song survived for almost 30 years?!?
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